Late Teens and the Confused Parent

It’s hard to see your teen dealing with the social, physical and emotional transitions that occur during adolescence. And it’s not any easier for a parent of a teen. Last night, I ran into a friend who asked about how to help her 19 year old get over a breakup.

When you nurture and love a child for so many years, it’s incredibly difficult to step back and let her make her own mistakes. However, no one ever learned by being told something, they learn by doing. Think of life like medical school…see one, do one, teach one… mistakes that is.

You can see what she is through because you went through it yourself. During a tough breakup, it’s time to stand back, be a listening ear, and let her learn her own lessons. Developmentally, a 19 year old brain is still developing the frontal lobe. The frontal lobe is the home to reasoning, planning and judgment. This part of the brain doesn’t fully develop until the age of 25. So when your late adolescent daughter thinks that a breakup is the end of her world, it’s because her brain can’t yet recognize that perhaps it is not.

When she does come to understand that her emotions pass, she learns from her experiences and that things do work out in the end, listen to her. Help her talk through things in a way that helps her brain make the neural connections needed to be most efficient. Then when she needs the information again the future, you can be sure that you aided her in moving from heartbroken to strong in less time.